It is now customary for the commemoration of Father’s Day to pale in comparison to the hype and excitement that Mother’s Day brings. This imbalance doesn’t mean fathers are less loved or appreciated than mothers, but rather reflects the continuous, growing matriarchal pattern of society.
Years ago, sociologist Edith Clarke wrote a very relevant book entitled My Mother Who Fathered Me, which highlighted the significance of the role of mothers in Jamaican society—many of whom served as both father and mother to their children. Sadly, that situation has not changed over the years; if anything, it has worsened, as an increasing number of young men irresponsibly impregnate young women and then walk away. This has given rise to a growing breed of “sperm donors,” not fathers.
Innumerable words and pages have been written about the irresponsibility of fathers toward their children. Courts in the U.S. and other countries are overcrowded with cases of mothers filing lawsuits against absentee, irresponsible fathers for child support. Yet, despite some harsh penalties meted out to these “deadbeat” dads, instances of fathers not supporting their children continue.
But children need more than financial support from their fathers. A child—especially a male child—needs the emotional bonding that a father should provide.
Several sociologists have determined that a primary reason for the high rate of crime in developing countries and the inner cities of most developed countries is the absence of a father figure in the home. It is usually difficult for mothers—most of whom work outside the home—to provide the necessary emotional support while also enforcing discipline. As the male child grows older, in the absence of that father figure, he often seeks to bond with his peers, spends more time on the streets, and eventually drifts into gangs and, too often, serious anti-social activities. It is much easier for a child to succumb to peer pressure when there is no father figure around.
In this technologically advanced age, there is no excuse for a man not to regularly make contact with his child or children via phone, email, or text. Often, the father is separated from the child due to a split with the child’s mother, but this is no excuse to ignore the child. A group of young men and women interviewed on a recent cable TV program said they would have loved to at least speak with their fathers once in a while and get their opinion or advice on important aspects of their lives. One young woman spoke of the pain she feels from having a father who lives in the same town but never reaches out to her.
Fathers who may have been hurt by a broken relationship with an ex-wife or ex-girlfriend must remain interested in the welfare of the child or children who resulted from that union. The child should never be targeted for spite because of that failed relationship. Likewise, mothers should not use the child as a pawn by denying the father access through visitation or phone calls.
But it would be a mistake to lump all fathers into a negative category. There are good, dedicated fathers who go above and beyond to provide both emotional and material support for their children. This is reflected in the growing trend of fathers serving as stay-at-home parents while the mother works outside the home. There are fathers within the South Florida community and throughout the Caribbean who work several long, tiring jobs primarily to support their families. There are men who, out of love, act like fierce lions in protecting their children from harm. Sadly, the selfishness and irresponsibility of some fathers often overshadow these committed and responsible men.
In the real world, the number of men fathering children is unlikely to decrease—this is a fact of life. However, what must decrease is the blatant irresponsibility of fathers who simply walk away once they learn their partner is pregnant, or who ignore their child as it grows and its needs increase. This is a sociological problem that still needs to be firmly addressed.
There would be real progress if more fathers seriously stopped to consider that it takes two to responsibly raise a child—just as it takes two to create one.
If a man creates a child, he must be sure to act like a father—regardless of his circumstances.
