Last week there was the report of the tragic suicide of a seemingly successful, happy TV personality, DJ and dancer, Stephen “tWitch” Boss, a star on the Ellen DeGeneres TV show. For those unfamiliar with “tWitch” he seemed to have been a full-of-life personality, funny, displaying phenomenal dance moves.
Days before he took his life he posted a video with him dancing before a Christmas tree with his wife, with whom he had just celebrated a wedding anniversary. Yet hours later he went to a hotel room and took his life. How could that be? People are asking.
It’s assumed for unknown reasons “tWitch” was the victim of loneliness, an epidemic that seems to worsen during the festivities of the Christmas holidays.
Psychiatrists say the worst type of loneliness is found among people who seem happy and fun loving, but who are really lonely and hurting inside, even while among others. Some may ask how is it possible to feel lonely when one has all one’s family or friends, people they love and who love them around? That is because there’s a fundamental difference between loneliness and being alone.
Some people actually enjoy being alone even during times like Christmas, because they are confident of themselves and enjoy their own company rather than being in the company of others. This may seem like very selfish behavior, but it’s not behavior as potentially devastating as loneliness.
People are extremely lonely and depressed among others because their inherent needs are not being met. They want something that not even their dearest loved ones – spouse, children, parents, best friends – can fulfill. The very sad and dangerous thing is that some people feeling this kind of loneliness aren’t even aware what is missing from their lives. And, ironically, these are the people who need the support and help from their loved ones.
Lonely people usually display clear signals of their loneliness of which friends and family members should be aware. They’ll usually suddenly pull away from other people in a room to go sit by themselves often with a distant look on their faces. Or, they may go off to another room usually making the excuse of not feeling well. They, even men, tend to get melancholic, cry, when they hear sad songs or music. Psychiatrists claim a reason some people feel more lonely during the Christmas holidays is because some Christmas music have a sad melody that enhances their feeling of being lost, and the uncertainty of knowing what they need to find.
Often, lonely people will try to find a balm for their loneliness. Unfortunately, some of these balms can be detrimental. These include excessive alcohol, use of hard drugs, excessive partying, and sexual promiscuity. More positively, some people turn to spiritual endeavors, like getting involved in their church or in charitable organizations. But, while such balms may provide respite from loneliness, some still bear the heavy burden loneliness bears.
Those who feel this burdensome loneliness should talk about it and seek help, which can be a problem in the Caribbean American community. The cultural norms of the community don’t usually lead people to seek professional help like the help offered by psychiatrists. It’s not unusual for Caribbean Americans to react aggressively when it’s suggested they seek the help of a psychiatrist, saying, “After mi nuh mad” but persistent loneliness can be a mental health problem which needs professional diagnosis and treatment. But help can also be found in talking with a close friend, a family member, co-worker, church brother, sister, or pastor. One who feels this burden of loneliness shouldn’t bear it alone. They’ll be increasingly at risk of doing damage to themselves.
Sadly, in recent years the innovation of some social media platforms, have made some young people, too many young people, victims of loneliness and depression. Platforms like Instagram and Facebook expose certain social behaviors, that make some young people feel they are deficient in how they look and behave. The popularity other young people achieve on social media, make others feel less worthy, pushing them into a dark lonely place.
Young people need to be guided to believe they have it within them to do remarkably positive things with, and in their lives, and not allow their goals and their self-worth to be diminished by the negativity of social media. It’s now the responsibility of parents, no matter how busy they claim to be, to look out for signs of depression, withdrawal, and loneliness among their children, especially those known to be exposed to social media.
