-Nadine McNeil
‘In a society that says put yourself last, self-love and self-acceptance is almost revolutionary.’ ~ Brene Brown
If your upbringing even vaguely resembles mine, chances are you were raised to be the ‘good’ girl – be nice, be polite, be kind, be lady-like and whatever you do, DON’T be emotional.
The subsequent result of all this programming is that ultimately, we feel unsafe with our emotions, anger especially.
Women are not taught self-love
The “angry black woman” is a label that I have run away from my whole life. As a child, being angry was utterly unacceptable, and when I became an adult – chronologically speaking – there was no space for my anger. An angry black woman is considered an absolute abomination. We’ve been hard wired to ‘suck it up’ and be strong.
So, strong I became – even as my family structure fell apart, as I was shipped off to foreign lands, as I abandoned myself to lackluster relationships, as I clung to friendships that I’d long outgrown. And so, this chain of strength continued. Until eventually, it broke, at its weakest link.
That broken link was my penultimate representation of the patriarchy, i.e., my father. His passing stopped me in my tracks, and compelled me to examine how I’d chosen to navigate life up until that point.
My whole narrative was devoid of self-love. Hell, I didn’t even know what that was supposed to even mean. Love, as I’d largely misunderstood and lived up until that point, was entirely transactional – from the boardroom to the bedroom. Being good meant promotions at the professional end of the spectrum, while on the personal front, the prospect of becoming ‘Mrs.’ was THE supreme title that any ‘decent’ woman would aspire to.
Outside of these polarities, being single and voluntarily childless denoted a spirit too wild and inconvenient for the world to contend with. Whenever I dared to venture outside of society’s incarceration, I was slapped with the label of being ‘too much.’
Nowadays, in my life’s work as a personal development coach and transformational catalyst primarily for women, no matter their alleged ‘reason’ for seeking me out, ultimately, each one’s quest is deepening connection with others and loving themselves more. Neither of these two elements are mutually exclusive. It is only through getting deeply intimate with self that are we capable of rippling this out into the wider world of connectivity.
The well & wise woman
So how then, do we even begin to unpack this whole notion of loving ourselves more?
The invitation to love ourselves is the first step in our re-birthing and towards shifting the stale narrative that has tried to suffocate us for centuries.
A woman who is fiercely in love with herself takes responsibility for all aspects of her life. She is embodied in her truth and unafraid to take up space. She honors the temple that is her body, for she knows that it carries her soul purpose and her lineage, specifically through her mother line. She feeds herself with wholesome foods, quenches her thirst with water, anoints her body with pure goodness, swaying her body this way and that. She laughs, she prays, she cries, she meditates. And paramountcy, she honors her inner wisdom and rests.
A well and wise woman is bold and courageous. She recognizes that her renewed strength is born out of her vulnerabilities and imperfections.
Once she has awoken to this unstoppable aspect of her being, her whole life is transformed.
The world needs well women
Now more than ever the healing of humanity is within us – our hands, our hearts, and our wombs. It is through the feminine that all of life is naturally formed. This is the fullest expression of life itself.
As we honor the women gone before us and those who are yet to come, it is my prayer that we will pause and take a compassionate and loving look at how we’re treating ourselves. The world doesn’t need us to be broken and unwell. Mother Earth is relying upon each one of us to do our part.
Why?
Because when one of us suffers, we all suffer. Yet, when one of us heals, we all heal.
It is time to reclaim our sovereignty so that an awakened, conscious, healthy, and loving world is available to us all.
We ARE the ones we’re waiting for. The journey begins with us, healing from the inside out.
This, my sisters, is what self-love is all about.
Nadine McNeil is a spiritual activist, women’s circle facilitator, yogi and global humanitarian. Her emerging area of focus is truth and reconciliation as it relates to race and ethnicity. Her work and latest free ebook on self-love can be found at www.universalempress.com.
